20 May 2008

The impossible status quo

Chronic under-stimulation is a curse, let me tell ya. Self-inflicted under-stimulation doubly so. It's the strangest kind of laziness, verging on machoism but not quite, because you're constantly seeking to avoid pain, the pain of engaging with the world, of actually trying something new and sticking to it.

Why engaging with the world is painful you don't know, it's just a given, and for the time being you're not fighting it. Rather, you're trying to minimize the damage, minimize your engagement with the world, yourself included. But the result is chronic understimulation, and it gets to a point where you seek out crisis just to experience meaning.
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